The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2) Read online

  I had to do some modifications of my own to this place. I put some runes down, everywhere; in all the halls and all the rooms. I also had the goblins rebuild parts of the walls and pillars. They aren’t good, but good enough to keep this lair of mine structurally sound. The goblins also handle the sweeping and dusting, but they are so terrible at it I’m not sure some days if it does any good for them to even attempt it.

  One of the places that I fortified is the dungeons. It’s not dwarven work, but then again what is? It should keep a peasant man and woman secured. Should.

  I walk down the stairs, my heels echoing throughout the hall. How does my sister walk in those heels she wears? I’m getting sympathy aches just thinking about it. Stairs have to be a challenge for her.

  Let’s see, where…is that blood? They killed him in the cell?

  “Wait…you killed him here?” I ask.

  “Well, not on purpose,” the goblin says.

  I don’t want to have this conversation in front of the prisoner. That would just look poor on my part. I need to be domineering in front of the prisoner.

  I slowly walk around and see the peasant woman, no more than nineteen I would guess. She’s attractive, pale skin, long brown hair. I was surprised she was such a beauty, to be honest. I smile at her. I do love seeing someone who thinks that they are impressing me with a show of defiance. And oh, she is defiant! Her brow is furled, her lips tight. She looks like she would lunge at me if she could, just like some feral beast!

  “Murderer!” she yells.

  “He should have behaved himself,” I say. “Your flesh, your life, is mine to do with as I wish.”

  “What do you want from me? Are you going to kill me next?”

  “Oh no. Certainly not. Unless you don’t leave me with any alternative.”

  “My family is poor…”

  The peasant has to tell me she is poor? Ha!

  “I didn’t go to the trouble to grab you to ransom you! That is idiotic!” I say with a laugh. Oh, she hates it when I laugh at her.

  “So you just want to torture me?”

  “Torture you? If I wanted to torture someone I am surrounded by little green opportunities for that. No, I have…other uses for you.”

  “Whatever your plan is for me, you won’t get away with it!”

  “Of course I will…”

  “Highness…”

  “Not when I’m talking to the prisoner!”

  “But highness…”

  “Shut up!”

  “But…but…highness…”

  “Not a word,” I say to the goblin. I turn back to the woman. “Don’t worry. You won’t be here long,” I say with a laugh.

  “I’ll get out of here and when I do you’ll regret this!” she yells.

  “That is something I can promise you will never happen,” I say with a smug smile. It warms my heart to see her all pissed and impotent when I do that.

  She is a feisty one. I’m guessing that she is the cause of the three goblins that didn’t return when I sent them to collect her and the now dead young man. Well, now that I know she is perfectly fine I’ll walk back up the stairs and continue my preparations.

  “Highness!” the goblin croaks after me.

  Oh for…

  “What?” I ask.

  “Scouts have reported invaders to your realm.”

  “Invaders?” I ask, pausing on the steps. “Well, I am sure that you can handle a patrol of local guards. They’re not well trained. Why are you so nervous?” I laugh. Goblins are always nervous and twitchy. I continue walking up the steps thinking about all the power I will have when I cast the Sigil of Altazan. And the meals!

  “It’s not a patrol.”

  “Well, how many are there?” I ask.

  “Just four.”

  I freeze.

  Fuck.

  “Just four?”

  “Yes highness.”

  Four? Not a dozen? Guards and random patrols don’t invade in groups of four. Heroes do. Well, fuck me.

  I turn to the goblin and pick him up with my magic.

  “You are certain that it is not just a scouting party of four people with the rest trailing in the back. It is just four people.”

  “No highness. We checked. Only four.”

  I toss the goblin to the ground and he tumbles down the stairs.

  “What shall we do?” another goblin asks.

  “Prepare the defenses! Heroes are coming to rescue this peasant,” I say.

  Enter the Heroes

  I storm my way back to the old temple where I’ve been preparing to cast the Sigil of Altazan. Heroes want to invade my realm, do they? Well, they are going to find their doom here! In the corner is a large cauldron supported by a black metal frame. There are runes all around the outside of the cauldron. I look inside…that’s right! I forgot to fill it with water. Well, I didn’t think I was getting invaded, did I?

  “Bring me water!” I order.

  “Yes highness!” the goblins croak and run off.

  This is one of the many reasons I want the Sigil of Altazan. Here I am, waiting for goblins to get me water while a group of heroes are marching onto my lair. And I’m one person short! How am I going to cast the Sigil of Altazan now? Well, I’m going to have to replace him. I had a list of potential male…where is that list?

  No. I need to prioritize this. I need to take care of the heroes first and then I’ll worry about the Sigil of Altazan. Come on goblins! The well isn’t that far away!

  I wonder which heroes decided to take on this quest. I hope it isn’t Prince Blaise. He’s been on the warpath lately. I’ve heard he is quite the formidable warrior. Although from what I also hear he had quite a humbling turn of events beside some other heroes. It would be nice to give that same group of heroes another sound defeat!

  Blaise rules out of Hammerheim lately, I’ve heard; getting married, getting humiliated...no. It is probably another group of heroes. Blaise wouldn’t come all the way up here for a pair of peasants.

  Did King Randolf hire help? Making good on his threat at long last? I’ll make sure I send his highness back their heads.

  No. I shouldn’t do that. I should capture the heroes and make Randolf pay me to get them back. Oh, that is so much better. If he refuses I’ll send their heads back. And he’ll know it was his fault! He’ll pay me for these heroes. Heroes might not rush to the king’s aid if he doesn’t protect them when they fail. Then I’ll be able to avoid these little intrusions.

  The goblins have returned. And…three of them have buckets and two are carrying a single goblet of water. Wait. Oh, another goblin has entered and he had the foresight to carry a goblet in each hand.

  “Ahhh!” he cries as he falls, spilling both goblets on the ground.

  I just shake my head.

  “Pour the water into the cauldron! And bring more water,” I order.

  “Yes highness,” they croak.

  “And use buckets,” I say to one upending his goblet into the cauldron.

  “Yes highness,” he says.

  Maybe I should have been a necromancer like my sister. I mean, she does like being a unique flower so she might have not appreciated us sharing the same path in life but undead are smarter than goblins. And for having no brains that is saying something.

  I wonder how far away the heroes are. I should have had this cauldron prepared. This is on the goblins. They should have been ready to fill this cauldron up at my command.

  I kidnapped two peasants and somehow thought I could just quickly cast the spell a couple of days later before any heroes showed up. At least I have all my runes in place. Which are all worthless without my cauldron! If most of the goblins return with buckets I should have enough to being scrying on the heroes and control the battle from here.

  The goblins have returned.

  “Ahh!” a goblin cries as he falls and trips, spilling a bucket over the floor. Oh, for…they can’t even handle walking! Gods above, goblins vex me sometimes!

/>   Well, at least they are all carrying buckets. I…wait. What is that goblin doing reaching into the bucket? Oh for…he put the goblets in the bucket? Really? He’s looking at me all proud. Yes, you surely are the smartest goblin. That was sarcasm but also probably true.

  I look into the cauldron and see that I have more than enough water to cast my scrying spell. I wave my fingers and hands over the cauldron, chanting a quick spell and a smoky mist starts to rise from the edges of the cauldron.

  “Show me the four heroes that are approaching,” I say.

  “You want us to catch them?” the goblin asks.

  “I was talking to the cauldron. I want you to prepare the defenses. Go and wake up the warrens below and get ready to repel the invaders,” I say.

  “Yes highness,” the goblins say and they all run off. A couple will return in a minute. With all the goblins in the warrens I will bury these four under a tsunami of green flesh! Now then. Let’s take a look at what I’m dealing with here.

  They’re coming up the foothills…it’s kind of hazy. There! No. No, it’s gone. Come on! Well, there are four of them, but I can’t really tell who it is. I see a bit of skin. One of them looks to be one of those barbarian types. There are so many of them. Hrogar, Grimnar, Steve...it could be any of them.

  On the upside to all this, the heroes are still far away. I have some time to make some more preparations. The goblins did something right for a change by giving me advanced notice.

  This room needs to be better secured. I’d rather force the heroes to charge me from the main entrance instead of this closer side entrance. This side door needs to be secured. Let’s see, I know a barrier spell…how did it go again? I can’t...was it like this? No. That didn’t do anything. What about…ah! There is a bright flash of light. That certainly wasn’t it. I should just go find the spell. I know it is written down somewhere. I think, maybe, it is in my library on a scroll. I’ll go there and check it out.

  Scrolls are nice. I can’t remember every spell that I cast. That’s why I have tomes and scrolls and little incantations written on napkins. There are so many things to remember. Scrolls are also good for when you want to bring one spell with you. It can be challenging to bring a whole book with you sometimes. Not impossible, mind you. I’ve brought several books with me on my travels on multiple occasions.

  I just have to find the scroll that I wrote the barrier spell on. I walk down the hall to the library and open the door. On either side are the skulls of goblins on little short spears that I had stuck into the floor. They weren’t skulls when I put them here. And so far the goblins have gotten the message. Stay away from my library.

  Oh, that reminds me. I should put up a spell to hide the door to my library. The heroes aren’t going to be afraid of my temper. Should I just do that on the side door to the temple room instead of casting a barrier? Nah. I want them to waste time and effort if they come from that direction. Best to mix things up. If I used the same spell all the time they might find out how to easily get around it.

  Okay. I have scrolls over here. Good thing I have them alphabetized. What’s this one? Hail and Rain. The ‘I’s should be right over here. Ice Storm. No. Ice Bridge. No. Icy Reception. Heh. No. Well. I’ll take it, just in case. Yes, I went through an Ice Queen phase when I was in my late teens. But who doesn’t? This scroll feels funny. Oh, I protected it, from, like, everything. I was so afraid of losing my scrolls early in life that I cast the most enduring and protective magic on them. That way I could cast snowballs no matter what! But my sister and I learned that ice wasn’t as useful as we imagined. Having an army? That is useful. That is power.

  Ah! Here is my Illusionary Doors and Walls spell. I’ll take that. Oh, right. I still need my barrier spell. What was that called? I didn’t just have that under ‘B’ for barrier did I? No. It was called something else. What did I call it? If it wasn’t a barrier, what is it called? Think Vivian.

  Force! Force barrier! That is under ‘F’. Nope, nope, nope, nope, here! Okay. And…

  You know, I should take a couple of books. Just in case. Do I want to carry all this? I can’t get the goblins to help me. I’d like the books to get to the altar in one piece. But I do need a goblin to get me something to carry them on. There’s a goblin!

  “You!” I order.

  “Yes highness,” the goblin says poking his head around the doorway.

  “Don’t get curious about what’s in this room,” I say.

  “No highness,” the goblin says.

  “Go and get me a platter from the kitchen. A clean platter!”

  “Yes highness,” the goblin says. He runs off.

  The goblins in the kitchen I have trained since birth to do one thing, cook and clean. If you don’t do that you should expect that sauce to have copious amounts of goblin snot in it. Ugh! I’m sick just thinking about it. The goblins know what a clean platter is so I can trust the goblin to not screw that little task up.

  I’ll just pick out a couple of books. Let me see, which ones do I want?

  Alistair’s So You Want to Be a RuneCaster is a good one to have. With all the runes I have around me this one will be valuable. I do love runes. My sister thinks getting on your knees and carving runes on things is beneath her. Not me. Runes can be used for anything. Tracking someone, casting spells through a scrying pool, traps, alarms, even just as a source of light.

  Morgan’s Traps, Secrets, and Guard Placement: Running Your Dungeon Successfully has a couple of nice spells in it. Most of it is for those without magic but there are two chapters with great trap spells.

  Mabh and Vashti’s Ouch! You Hit Me: Managing Your Lair Together. Most of these spells require another caster but there are a couple that…yeah, I should take this one. As I leaf through this book I remember that a lot of the spells deal with protection spells and buffing the abilities of yourself and others.

  Konrad’s Whip ‘em: How to Properly Train Your Goblins from Whelp to Not a Whelp. Nah. There are a couple spells that I could use to motivate the goblins but I’ve already moved past most of this book. I don’t want to bring my whole library with me.

  Tabitha’s Make Your Heroes Zeroes: How to Survive That Pesky Adventuring Party. Definitely. Tabitha has this one chapter all on humiliating the heroes. I met her once at a party my sister held. Tabitha said she had a group of six heroes all running from her dungeon, naked, covered in bright pink paint and feathers, into the wilds. I asked for more details but she said I’d have to read about it in her next book. But it’s taking so long for her to write it! It’s been, well, a few years now! How long does it take to write a book? Maybe she has finished it. It’s not like these books are traded by regular merchants. I should write to her and inquire about it.

  “Highness!” the goblin says from out in the hall. I turn and see that he has a metal platter in his hands. I cast a quick spell on it and levitate it over to me.

  “Excellent. Now run along,” I say.

  “Yes highness,” the goblin says before leaving.

  I pile the books and scrolls on the platter and take it with me out into the hall. I close the door and pick up the scroll from the platter that has the illusion spell on it. I open up the scroll, read the words aloud while making the proper hand motions with my free hand. Spells are all about summoning the mana in you and around you. You need to tell it what you want and the hand gestures are just as important to do that as are chanting the words. It’s all coming back to me now. I remember practicing this spell now.

  The door is gone, replaced by a wall. Those spikes look a little too telling though. It just begs to the casual observer that there is a doorway here. Well I can’t have that.

  I use my magic to pull the spikes up from the ground and see the holes in the stonework. With another quick casting of the illusion spell, with a slight modification now that I remember what I’m doing, the holes are gone. Well, not really gone because it’s an illusion, but the heroes shouldn’t be able to tell that there was a door here.
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br />   I walk down to the old temple and see a couple of goblins waiting for me. They turn excitedly toward me. I lay the platter down on the altar and point to the main doors.

  “Open those up,” I command.

  “But, there already is a door here,” a goblin says.

  “Yes. And once I seal that door up you’ll need to get in here, through that door.”

  “Why seal it up?”

  “So the heroes have more ground to cover if they want to hit me,” I say. I really would like to delay getting hit with a sword for as long as I possibly can.

  “Oh,” the goblins say. I’m not sure they understand why, but they understand my commands. Now for a little bit of work on my end to prepare for the heroes.

  I grab the Force Barrier spell scroll and open it up. Ah! Yes, I had forgotten most of this. Okay, this one is tricky. I have to do what with both of my hands? Okay, let me hold the scroll open with my books and ugh! I forgot that zombie deposited part of himself on the altar. I force it off the altar with my magic. Disgusting. Okay, I have to work my fingers like…this. Then this? Okay, work my fingers this way and then this way. I got it. I think.

  Turning to the door I begin to chant and wiggle my fingers in the correct way. I cast the spell on the closed side door and a pink, purplish barrier is erected over it. Excellent!

  Now that I have the door sealed let me make sure the runes are still on my cauldron. It has been a while since I’ve had to repel invaders. The image was a little hazy. I thought it was the heroes being too far away but it could have been a missing rune. That will definitely prevent me from casting spells through my cauldron. That one is good, that one is good, that…looks a bit dim. Let me just drag my finger over it and make it clearer. There, good as new! That one is good, they are all good…wait! What’s this gap here? I kneel down and stare as close as I can get.